Save Lando

days and weeks and years have passed. i have aged beyond recognition, and am thus no longer recognizable as an actual person anymore. of course, i can’t even say what defines a person anyway. maybe genitals. so, not that i have much to write about anyway, but i’ll go ahead and start off with a recent story that is sure to amuse anyone but me.

i couple of months ago, i let my mother join my facebook friends. i know, probably a mistake on my part, but i had hoped it would make her feel better about us no talking a lot. i figured that it would be her way of connecting without having too much to really say, and hopefully she’d not do something silly. like go crazy. and i even felt a little bad. i didnt let my father in on the fun for fear that there would be drama between the two. my sister made that mistake, and there was some remarks made that were not of the friendly sort.

little did i know that my mother had keeping close tabs on what my friends and i say. all the time apparently. one day, she got nosey with a comment which drew some snark. asking where i had been, i commented that i had been waiting in line at a methadone clinic. of course, in 30+ years of my mother not getting it, she took it the wrong way. and by wrong way, i mean completely literally. she then took it upon herself to go back through my status updates to point out any and all behavior she viewed as drugworthy. a comment by a friend about forgetting to pay the electric bill caught her eye, and she jumped on that.

so apparently i was a junkie who couldn’t afford to pay his electric bill, but could still afford to update his facebook from his blackberry. makes sense, right?

so what does my mother do when confronted with this horrible revelation? she calls all of my immediate family to inquire if I’m fucking hooked on smack. she told my sister that Loopy and i had been acting strange (on our respective facebooks). of course, the girl she thought was loopy was some other friend of mine with the same name as loopy dearest. she wasn’t convinced with the standard “no, it’s probably a joke and you don’t get it” responses from the people she called. no, that wasn’t good enough. they had to call me, at work, and get a definitive answer. so i spent an hour on the phone with my sister, then my father, relaying what they had already assumed.

first off, i’m dirt poor. you think i could even afford a trendy heroin habit? thats way too rich for my blood. with my paychecks, i’d probably have to settle for meth or bathtub gin or some other lame shit. my only real habits come int he ways of energy drinks and food that’s horrible for me. MAYBE I NEED AN INTERVENTION! and second. methadone clinic. i’d be trying to stay off of heroin! seriously. if i had been frequenting such a place, wouldn’t it mean that i’m trying to get better and not be a junkie? she should have been happy i was trying to get better!

so before she had anyone get back to her to tell her that she’s crazy, she snooped a little more and posted once or twice saying that we should really keep all this business in the family, and that some of the jokes just weren’t funny. i had forgotten all the years she spent as the emcee at the fucking chuckle hut in Poughkeepsie.

needless to say, when i got home, i had to break up with my mom over facebook. isn’t that a bitch.

i know that i promised some stories about ‘Frodo’. he’s since moved along, and is no longer my charge at work. and for the better. incredibly taxing working with someone who has no personal hygiene regiment. the smell of body odor consumed this poor lad, and having ‘the talk’ with someone who needs to wash his dirty ass is just a talk that i’d had to visit more times than i care to remember. i hope these episodes arent indicative of todays youth and their lax standards concerning such necessities. also, i’m going to seriously damage the next person who seriously quizzes me with “what news of the shire, bilbo?”.

sitting here, i can’t even remember the last time i posted. not that it makes much of a difference, as i’m sure everyone has pretty much given up on their expectations regarding me writing anything. myself included, i suppose. years have since come and gone without so much regalia. when last i wrote, i was a sprite-like dynamo of 31. sadly, with all that hasn’t changed since i last wrote, my age in earth years have.

yes, i had a birthday, and yes, my mother flew into town for it. why my birthday? no idea. she spent a week here at my sisters retreat, and many a drinks were had in secret. you know when you’re having a conversation with someone, and they decide to add to the conversation something that is completely random and unrelated to said conversation? like the kind of statement that screams that you’re only waiting to talk about what you want to talk about and have nothing really to add? yeah, that happened about 6 million times that week. i’m sure my sister had to restock her vino post-visit. poor sis.

also, my computer decided to blow up that week. upon attempting to swithc out a video card given to me as a gift, my hard drive completely bricked, and remains unaccessable to this day. i’m much happier with my new machina, but it was a little bit of a hit all at once. now i can’t afford to buy those grillz i wanted so damn badly.

now i just get to be old. and grillz-less.

and with changes like that, i’m pretty sure i’m not the only who starts having the thoughts. my peaks and valleys seem to center around my birthday and x-mas. we hired a guy at work recently, one year my junior. he has a 14 year-old son. it kind of blew my mind. it made me think about growing up, and what it entails. see, i dont act anywhere near my age if i can help it. thankfully i look years younger also. whew! i was pondering just when the point of no return for manhood was.

i know plenty of guys with children that i wouldn’t ever consider grown up. peter pan syndrome i suppose? who really knows. i tried to think of a time in my life where my father stopped seeming so youthful. the only thing i could come up with was when his father died. its obviously enough to make anyone pass that threshhold into forced adulthood. he seemed a changed man after that. not for the better or worse, but most certainly for the more heartbroken. and i’d ponder the heartbreak being the source of things, but i know thats not true. just something that was rooting around in my head.

and not jogging too far from things, the people formerly referred to as dick and dickless (or ‘the cornholers’) seem to be doing pretty well. moving forward with their lives and such. they both seem to be staying busy, and both seem happy. for that i am grateful. i worried alot about how things would play out when they told me the news. hearing about some of the things both of them are up to makes me wonder if i should be doing things. painting the bathroom or picking up a new hobby or something.

i’ve been a little down lately. been feeling more and more like i’m taxing to be around. i’m struggling to not follow my natural inclination to withdraw from everyone and everything temporarily. i get this feeling pretty much every stop along the way. when i was younger, i used to stare at the sky. while doing so, i could feel the earth moving and me moving with it. earlier tonight, i stared at the moon for a few minutes and remembered these moments. tonight, i wasn’t feeling the earth move, or me with it. all i was feeling was heavy, and saddled with gravity.

jury duty came and went without much ado. i was never selected, so i had to settle for sitting in a cramped, overheated melting pot of a room for around nine hours. early on, i was under the impression that were i not selected, i would be returning the following day for more wacky oklahoma county hijinks. not the case, fortunately. there was a few things that chapped me. people who couldn’t read, or follow directions. people who insisted on talking loudly on their cells (mainly the real estate skank three people over. fake tan and bleached hair? what year is it?). and people who went about kissing anyones ass they thought could let them go home early. “keep me as long as you want judge!” yeah right, douchebag.

i was able to eat lunch downtown with Loops for the first time. turns out, she works a building or two away from my imagined prison. ate at some diner, and i was super uncomfy with the sheer amount of people i had to see, let alone deal with. later in the day, i dropped by the Thunder team store and brought home a hat. terribly exciting.

with the reintroduction of some past faces (mentioned in the last post and who strangely enough, i have barely any interest in talking to), a few memories came with them. pretty sure i never wrote about this one before. a long time ago, i was ‘ate up’ over this girl i had met online (i know, shut it). this was back in the early 90’s, when bulletin boards were the only thing going on for lonely kids behind a screen. anyway, long story short, friends and penpals for years. met once, nothing happened, i was crushed. i spent weeks holed up, torturing myself over it. what i did wrong, etc. months later, i found a notebook belonging to my best friend at the time.

in it read alot of things, featuring  “i think i like her, he doesn’t deserve her, he’s just a fat boy”.   i really didn’t know how to react to it. that sort of betrayal wasn’t something i’d ever really dealt with. i’m sure everyone has to deal with things similar in their life. be it with friends or spouses or coworkers. it’s likely why i, anymore, seem to keep friends at an arms length (or further). this person periodically shows up in my life, trying to keep what little friendship is there, then dissapears for a couple of years. normally, i would just shoe them off, and be done with it. this case is a little different in that he has issues, big ones, similar to that of a friend that ended up killing himself a few years back (for those of you that havent archived). so i atlas it, and hope.

nothing really poignant about it, just a moment revisited recently. ah memories. gotta be a pill or something to fix those.and after writing something so personal like that (cliff’s notes or not), i always wonder who’s reading this crap. or who would even want to? i’d love to chalk it all up to catharsis, but really how cathartic will this end up being? sometimes it seems so pointless. bah. maybe i just need some sleep.

i promise more stories of idiocy to come, including the kid at my work that kind of likes being called ‘Frodo’.

from april:

when having a conversation with a newer co-worker on the subject of current events, i’ve made my decision that the younger generation is completely fucked. not that i hadn’t already decided it, but it was just a little gravy on top of the mashed potatoes residing inside their heads. the conversation was about rihanna and chris brown, and that now chris brown’s career is ruined. i concurred for the most part, but for different reasons.

his argument was that chris browns career was ruined because he now has herpes, and not because he beat the shit out of his lady for all the world to see. this statement blew my mind, and now i wonder how many people think the same thing. of course, i could be in the wrong here, perhaps that herpes is a bigger deal to the generation serving as target audiences for both respective artists. i can’t say that i was a big fan of either before any of this, and really can’t say the same now. can’t even say why i thought this was noteworthy, maybe it’s just a footnote on how out of touch i am…

from may:

and of course that can only get worse. my boss at work has decided it better that i work later in the day. so not only do i get to keep the same shitty days off, but i get to barely see Loops at all. the good news just keeps a pouring in.

for those of you concerned about said Woman, she’s doing fine as far as she lets on. she insists on working and not writing. her birthday was May 12th, and i gave her the swine flu. caring is sharing. i came to that decision purely out of the inability to grant her the world peace she asked for. after long, arduous hours of contemplation and asking myself the simple question “what do you get the woman who has everything?”, i decided that since i didn’t have a decent shoebox, i’d give her something practical. and deadly. and smells like bacon. she likes bacon.

and though it was a few days late, we were able to go out for dinner and a movie the following weekend. Star Trek was viewed, and enjoyed. but all this was a month ago. i’ve been pretty lax on everything, as you might have noticed. my stepmoms birthday was a week before Loopys, and her present is sitting in my car trunk. my fathers borthday is next week, so maybe they’ll both get gifts then?

from june:

not helping this month already is a jury duty summons. this coming monday, i get to find out if i’m trapped for no money in a courthouse. yay for voting! talking about it with Dick, and we wonder just how many of the people being summoned for jury duty voted democrat. i’m paranoid enough to think that oklahoma would pull something like that.

it seems like summer is turning out to be the season that old friends come back to visit. been contacted by a few people long out of touch to reconnect. it feels weird. like maybe the reason there was a breakdown in communication was because we all started speaking different languages, so to speak. guess that tends to happen with time anyway, to everyone. i wonder if these things happen because you need them to, the paranoid option of collusion, or maybe its just random ghosts paying visits.

the visits did spark my inspiration to write a little bit again. not necessarily here, but privately. always a welcome time. i’ve felt fairly uninspired to pick up a pen or a keyboard lately. and its not that the newer bits are anything but what could be described as morose, but it’s something.

the birthday blues are close to starting again, as i venture deeper into my 30’s. bound to happen, always does around the annual date of my spawning. least i don’t own a blacklight anymore. still have my first, last and always cd around though….

there are places inside a person that when unlocked, let out heat and let in cold. the merging of both the hot and cold fronts produce an occluded front. the resulting phenomena is occasionally precipitation.

had a trying week or two here. not really anything external, but i’ve felt pretty three-mile islandy for a little while. fairly uncontrollable swells of emotion stemming from strange dreams and memories related to. i think it was triggered by something i read, someone lamenting a loss of a friend. because i lack the capacity not to, i empathized far too much and dragged myself into a swell of rememberances. nothing i’d volunteer to elaborate on, but simply me trying to be somewhat cynical and flippant about someone elses laments, and in the end being stung by the same sad bee.

past that, one of Loops cats got extremely sick. the 14 y/o cat had decided that she was no longer interested in food. or moving around, or lifting her head. all bad things considering that she’s the active cat and the one that serves as a secondary alarm clock. it was a long saturday before we could get to the vet, it was breaking my heart to see Loops so devastated and the cat so ill, but it got easier after that. a little medicine and some time has proven wonders, as the cat is almost back to normal. she’s just been alot more quiet (not complaining one bit).

i got way too excited and emotional over a trailer for the Where the Wild Things Are movie. not sure what combination of the music and images struck a chord, but i got a little weepy. i’ll only partially admit to liking the arcade fire, but the song fits perfectly, and it only takes about a minute and ten seconds to get me welling up. every time. damn you, Spike Jonze.

trailer

guess it’s been awhile, but other, happier things have happened recently also. i took a week off of work to run down to Austin with Dick and Dickless (cornholers). Dick was celebrating a birthday, and Maynard from Tool was signing some wine bottles, so why not trek the lone star?

the wine signing was primarily why we went, dickless being a recent (last couple years or so) tool convert. it took the greater part of one of our days, from waking and getting line slips to standing in line with a multitude of ’special-needs’ kids. i was pretty shocked that there were so many people there for a friggin’ wine signing, and i’m sure the grocery stores regular patrons felt the same way. the looks on the faces said it all. i could hear the inner-gears grinding at the sight of all the collars and pirate hats (ok, so only one guy was in pirate regalia). it didn’t help that it was pushing 90 degrees, and we were lined like cattle into pens. i think people would pretty much need a nice bottle of hooch after said experience.

so later that night we celebrated a birthday at a blues club on 6th street. Dick, not being a drinker at all, surprisingly tallied 6 rum & cokes (but was hammered after 2). at seperate points during the night, he ingested some bar cupcake and danced in the middle of the bar with the singer of a band (and an admitted chubby. his, not the singers. she didn’t have a penis as far as i know). he and i had enough in the way of libations, to be very annoying on the drive back to the hotel. it was great.

also had a chance to sit down for lunch with Katty BoHo, and meet the new member of her brood. was nice catching up with Katty after what, 6 years? quite some time. and while i wasn’t able to meet child #1, young master Q was at school, i was able to meet the queen of the giant babies. adorable to say the least, and echoed by every visitor, every 5 minutes at the table.

after we came back, i waited a couple days and both Loops and I got new phones. thank server. settled on a Blackberry that i had fun playing with. she settled for some touch-screen number that could probably launch nukes if she so pleased. i spent the first night trying not to hump my new toy, but was up half the night doing dumb things like making my own ringtones for it.