Save Lando

so i was working all night long, and things started to enter my head off and on.

virtual pets. — i want a real cat, but cant have one right now. i might get a virtual pet, then let it starve to death just for spite.

judaism — maybe convert. worked for jesus right? ok, maybe this will be filed under the not so great ideas.

tuna — have this idea that i want to eat nothing but tuna and salad. keep planning on going shopping for some, but never do. instead i drink grape soda and eat noodle soup. subsequently, i havent kept the better part of a meal down in a couple weeks. dont think this has anything to do with my selections tho…. and on a side note, i was able to keep that chili down (wtf, i couldnt catch a break there?).

overture of 1812 — i was doing a march in the middle of my store to this ditty last night. my drum major act needs work i found. of course, it might have been better had i a baton.

hide it — it’s something i’m doing alot of lately. i dont like the places i go sometimes. so i try to hide it and run off. but my friends see it. its not a side i like showing. i’m fairly ashamed of it. its cyclical. for the most part im well adjusted, but lately, its like i dropped the reins. i think that was most of what the break was about.

i got stuck working a graveyard last night. (hooray! yeah right) my luck was horrible. everything i touched broke or blew up. i spent half the night on the phone with ‘helpdesk’. and let me tell you, if there are more worthless people than this in the world, i will be at a loss for words.

i loved going over the same routine checks over and over again, because someone has to read from A FUCKING MANUAL (heard the pages turning). god forbid i know what i’m doing and there is a software problem. and as if that wasnt enough, the guy was a raging asshole. sounded like an older man, and the young punk on the other side of the phone must have rubbed him the wrong way. i know it must be hard for him, in his advanced years (no, not 28, but at least double that) to be stuck at a level one helpdesk job.

so, about 3 hours of my time total dealing with that. the puter in my office went down. twice. and they had to dial in and fix the software problem.

did i mention that i’m not a total idiot?

so, some woman comes in to relieve me of duty. and what happens? her computer goes down. haha, classic. by this point i’m laughing about it. walking around the store in some sort of sleep deprived lunacy. then i get to deal with the guy at the bank. and let me tell you about this guy! ok wait, he knew what he was doing, and our transaction went smoothly.

i started thinking about how everything i touched went ‘tits-up’ as some of my friends would say. thats when i decided…

masturbation was simply out of the question today.

well, lets see.

tonight i went to church to watch my sister and her fiancee get baptised. no see, that in itself wasnt bad. church has never been my thing. i believe in a philosophy rather than a book. just the way i think. i dont discount the church, its just not my thing.

the music being played sounded like some sort of warped parade, where i half expected a giant helium filled jesus to float on by, only to wave and wink at me.

but i did get an inkling of a smile last night. for some reason or another the pastor started going off on a tangent (i think) about gay people and the gay marriage thing. about how if they get a law passed so they could marrry, they would make the law so ambiguous they might shoot for two men and a woman, or three woman and a man (where’s the problem there?).

i of course thought that insane.

but hey, who am i right? people arent putting any money in the bowls i pass around… yet. but i had a sense that my aunt and uncle perhaps didnt agree either.

my aunt and uncle. both attend church regularly, and are very well adjusted people. they both happen to be homosexual. i couldnt see her face, but i got a decent look at his frustration. was interesting to watch. i listened to the pastor talk and talk, and in my mind, i argued a little (like I couldnt). in my head, he seemed to contradict himself a little bit, and rather than facing 300 angry southern baptists out in the parking lot, i chose to keep my mouth shut.

of course, like always, i had to sit by the guy who has to ‘amen’ to every single point made. i had my knife, thoughts of using it, but like always. no action lendon.

one thing i noticed. there were a few fine looking women there. now i’m a decent actor, you think i should….

nah.

hahaha.

i woke up in the evening

my head had fallen from its perch

but i found it in the garden

playing with some snails

there must have been some showers

i had mud on my lips

and my words were dirty

all my smiles were dark

i had crashed their garden party

i had ruined moonlight tea

the snails all cried in dissapointment

and the tears just rained on me

shameless, headless again

the moon embarassed for him

closed his eye and ran away

to come and shine the next day

so with my hands i pleaded

“you have my head it’s needed”

they just laughed and gave it back

for it was little used

and a little bruised

i ran back to my place

my hands carrying my pale face

and nothing seemed to calm me

and no one seemed to care

i locked myself in my room

no i dont want to see you

im too ashamed of what happened

last night in the moonlight