Save Lando

was an interesting day for me, as i finally got some sun. being translucent is fun and all, but i was starting to think it unhealthy.

my father had called and woke me up @11:45am (which sadly is turning into my average because of my 4am bedtimes), turns out there was some radio remote broadcast at a bar near his house. we both listen to the station, so why not go and check out one of these things. i’d never been to one, and it always sounds interesting (kinda). you get to see the radio personalities and what goes on behind the scenes. always having a slight interest in the radio business myself, i figured it could be both educational and entertaining.

turns out, it was some sort of fundraiser for a foundation started in memory of a deceased dj. very worth it, we showed our appretiaition. we also partook in a drawing for a free smoker, ate some free hot dogs, but refrained from entering the hot dog eating contest. had i known that the contest was sans bun, i might have considered it. the friggin’ trophy was massive (4+ feet tall). but alas, the last thing i need is a trophy for eating (were that the case, i would need a display case or ten). the winner managed to put away 11 hd’s in 5 minutes, a feat i didnt find all too impressive, but watching the contestants fight off the nausea was more than enough entertainment for me. plus, there were fat guys with homemade eating champion t-shirts, and whats better than seeing Eric ‘the Bottomless Pit’ Puente (or so his shirt stated) swallow a hot dog whole?

answer to that last question? bikini clad young women hanging around the dunk tank waiting for their turn. in the end, we ended up winning nothing, but had a fun few hours in the sun without the influence of the all seeing, all dissaproving eye of his lovely spouse (but he was informed beforehand that he was not to drink much, if any, beer). who says being married is bad? you have someone to decide what you eat, drink, wear, and think…

i have been using an electric shaver for a few weeks now, i got tired of all the crap that goes with regular shaving and decided to give it a whirl. it was not until today that i decided to get wacky. after making my face smooth like baby ass, i was putting the razor up when i had to do something. shaving my face wasnt enough today i suppose, as a boredom slayer i decided to keep on keepin’ on (the pirate set search on amazon.com was doing nothing for me).

now i’m not an extremely hairy person, but like manly men such as myself, have a hairy chest. so i’m standing there, in front of a mirror obviously in need of a hobby (besides watching the C.o.M.C yet again today). i decided on polka dots. a few minutes later, i’m standing in front of the mirror regretting my decision. not only do i look like an idiot, but its going to itch like hell when it grows in. really, i do look like an idiot. an idiot or someone who just got out of the hospital. my chest is like some obscure dr. seuss book gone horribly wrong.

before you ask, no, there is no pictures. also, requests for pictures will be denied for the sake of public safety. if chili’s cant serve bad scallions, i cant hand out pictures of my wicked-bad polka dots. a friend of mine offered to send me a digital camera to have, so i can take such horrible pictures. sure, the quality will be undoubtedly horrible, but you cant ever beat freebies (or the inevitable pictures of my toilet). thank you Joan, you rock.

see, remember my unemployment office day? evidently, when i got back, i didnt notice. i had broken my one and only ignition key. snapped in half right in my pocket. i didnt find this out until the day after, when i had pulled out my keys to go somewhere. ’sorry Lando, you didnt really need to go anywhere did you?’. so, being the only key i had for that, i freaked a little. not so much yelling and screaming and shtting my pants or anything, but visibly upset. i spent a good deal of time calling whoever i thought could fix my dillema. called the GM parts place to get a replacement key.

“sorry, no can do. you see, because your car is more than 10 years old (its old, we dont have the numbers (or any way) to get you a new key. you should try a locksmith.”

fine. asshole. so i make the calls, locksmiths around town. what do they tell me? the exact same thing. sorry. they did tell me what i would need to do to fix the situation. i had to get a new ignition put in.

great, so now i have to find my way to a shop and have them install one? no, turns out that alot of the local mobile locksmiths do that. they come right out, and faster than your prom date losing her dress (so i hear), that baby was replaced. for $80. im sure ive mentioned my money woes here, as i’ve been freebasing ramen noodles for weeks. the 80 bucks wasnt exactly a good thing. it took just enough out of my bank account for me not to be able to pay my rent. and, its made me low enough to be a little apprehensive about paying my telephone and interweb bill until i can get money to replace it.

i think what i’m trying to say is, “ANYONE WANT TO BUY SOME SPERM?”**

**ps – not you, psycho.

received only one entry for my birthday post (but serveral birthday wishes thank you ladies), luckily, it was a good one. thank you for sending it, oh anonymous one. here it is, in all its heartwarming glory. thank you again for this:

“I don’t have any interesting stories to tell, because every day is a story. You are a person who has, in a short time, become a very important part of my day, Everyday. Our story, as I see it, is more of an everyday experience of just living, and having someone to share that with.”

“I started becoming friends with you at a time that I was feeling pretty jaded, and cynical about the internet, and everything that happens here. A bad experience, and I was ready to turn off the computer forever. I’m so glad that I didn’t.”

“You have become a friend who does not expect anything from me, except honesty, and friendship. More than occasionally, you’ve been a shoulder for me to lean on or someone to turn to when I’ve felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, or what to do next. You are the first person I know who is there to offer a hug, words of encouragement, congratulations, or a smile when I just need to see a friendly face. Even if things in your own life are not going that great, you have pushed them aside if you think I need you, just to make me feel better.”

“You are the rare person who knows the difference between what a person is inside, and what a person pretends to be. Not concerned with outward appearances, or net worth. No matter what my shortcomings are, you’ve made me feel special anyways.”

“You are also someone whom I know is in my corner, and I believe would defend me to the end. I know if I ever needed you for anything, I could turn to you, and you’d do anything within your power to help me. You have my full trust and support.”

“While I think of you as super smart, and intelligent… just that step above me on most levels, you never make me feel dumb, or second class. I almost feel smarter and funnier when I’m with you. If you’ve never found someone like that before, it’s one of the best feelings ever… when you find that you’re a person you like more, just by being around someone else.”

“I have the utmost respect and admiration for you.”

“You know how to keep me sane. Which is a HUGE job, btw. When I start going on and on and on about something, you’ll say to me “You’re obsessing, let it go.” And, I actually do. (OK, usually) When I start going on and on about something else that’s upset me, you might say “Maybe it’s because you’re grumpy.”.. I’m not real big on criticism, or hearing bad things about myself, but you have a way of telling me things that make me see myself better, and it’s not taken in a negative light. Most of the time. (heh)”

“You are super creative and funny. The best sense of humor of anyone I know, and a wonderful poet. Even the way you word sentences, or can describe a situation… it’s perfection. I look forward to reading your diaryland entry every day, or your blog now too.”

“Your tender side, which someday is going to make some lucky girl VERY happy, touches me. The way you feel about your sister, the way you are when you see a kid going through some ordeal, even how you talk about Holden.”

“You excite me in the fact that your potential is amazing. What you are yet to become in the years ahead absolutely thrills me. I can’t wait for you to find out where your life takes you next…. And if I’m lucky, I’ll get to be there to hear about it every step of the way.”

“I hope someday that you can see yourself as being the person I see you as: Wonderful, Caring, Intelligent, Worthy, Creative, Fun, and Loving.”

“The best is yet to come.”