Save Lando

So the woman that I was chatting up last week came into my store again. This time she brought a new guy with her, and I couldn’t tell if it was her father or boyfriend. Scary eh? Either way, she didn’t seem interested in continuing the conversation we were having (see: COCKBLOCK!), or even starting a new one with me. So that kind of sucked. And even though i knew i had no chance whatsoever, I still felt dissapointed when she left without notice, opting to treat me like every other woman. (pity party, table for one)

“Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. “

I read that somewhere recently and decided it was pretty darn true, at least in my case. Given this weeks excitement when concerning the fairer sex, I’m more likely to just run away and save myself the trouble. My roommate was all set to hook back up with an ex of his, but only in a fuck-buddy type situation. He talked to her maybe 4 times on the phone, none of racy content. Now? She’s turned into some sort of psycho stalker. She averages at least 4 calls and 3 visits a night to our workplace. This is that one woman with the three kids (one in safety helm) I wrote about sometime last month.

Makes me think that after a woman has kids, she’s incapable of having any other thoughts concerning men. “OOOH HE MIGHT BE A GOOD DADDY FOR MY TRIAD OF ILLEGITIMATE BABIES!” biological post-pregnancy female thinking at its finest. A shame, she has a beautiful smile and if she could ever get over that whole ‘psychotic’ thing, she might be a catch (for anyone wanting a ‘brady bunch situation’).

to Blockbuster Video:

I understand that you tend to cater to the general public’s renting needs. I understand that you must rent out loads more movies featuring a bare Will Smith’s ass fighting robots than you do anything else resembling a decent movie. What I do not understand is your continuing failure to adequately stock semi-intelligent comedic fare for yours truly. It’s not like I’m searching for anything rare here. Also, your employees are complete buffoons when it comes to anything except playing & talking about video games. Please fix that, and find this:

And finally, Darius Rucker? How the mighty have fallen. No longer serving as the soundtrack to countless fratboy date-rape parties, you’ve finally hit rock bottom without the Blowfish. Hawking out ‘Cheddar Bacon Ranch’ sandwiches for Burger King in full black cowboy regalia. I wouldn’t have taken any notice, but my roommate decided to sing along on a break from an episode of Full House (save me). If I ever meet you, Mr. Rucker, prepare to defend yourself.

Ultimate Music Survey:

A song whose lyrics you thought you knew in the past, but about which you later learned you were incorrect.

i can’t think of any offhand. no doubt a song of sexual innuendo from my youth that i could never fully understand until i did that whole puberty thing.

Your least favorite song on one of your favorite albums of all time.

‘the Hanging Garden’ from the Cure’s Pornography

A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive or otherwise repellent.

‘Divine Hammer’ – the Breeders (the deal sisters arent my idea of attractive)

Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title or text.

‘El Paso’ – Marty Robbins

A song (or top 4 in my case) you’ve listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point in your life.

‘It’s Not’ – Aimee Mann

“Where I get lost in space that goes on forever.
And you make all the rest just an after thought.
And I believe it’s you who could make it better.
But it’s not. No it’s not”

‘Cold’ – the Cure

“I wait
Await the next breath
Your name
Like ice into my heart
A shallow grave
A monument to the ruined age
Ice in my eyes
And eyes like ice don’t move”

‘Big Skies, Black Rainbows’ – Verbena

“the less i warm my heart, the less it wants to mend”

‘Roads’ – Portishead

“How can it feel, this wrong
Storm.. in the morning light
I feel
No more can I say
Frozen to myself
I got nobody on my side
And surely that ain’t right”

Ever buy an entire album just for one song and wind up disliking everything but that song? Gimme that song.

‘What Do You Want From Me?’ – Monaco

Your favorite song that has expletives in it that’s not by Liz Phair.

‘All I Want is More’ – Reel Big Fish

“Someday, maybe she’ll come back to me
and i’ll say, ‘WHY DONT YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF?’”

A song that sounds as if it’s by someone British but isn’t.

any silverchair song ever made.

A song you like (possibly from your past) that took you forever to finally locate a copy of.

‘Barefoot in the Dark’ – Deadboy & the Elephantmen

A song that reminds you of spring but doesn’t mention spring at all.

‘Sexxx Laws’ – Beck

A song that sounds to you like being happy feels.

‘Here Comes A Special Boy’ – Freezepop

Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album.

‘Just To Play’ – Midnight Movies (you need this album)

A song from your past that would be considered politically incorrect now (and absolutely was then).

‘I’ll Meet You in Poland, Baby’ – Foetus

A song sung by an overweight person.

‘A Big Hunk of Love’ – Elvis Presley

A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise hate.

‘Slow Ride’ – Foghat

A song by a band (whose members actually play instruments) that features three or more female members.

‘Smile’ – Elastica

One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to.

‘Torture’ – the Jacksons (and boy was it)

A song you’ve been mocked by friends for liking.

‘You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’ – Judas Priest

A really good cover version you think no one else has heard.

‘Such Great Heights’ – Iron & Wine

A song that has helped cheer you up (or empowered you somehow) after a breakup or otherwise difficult situation.

‘Kiss Off’ – Violent Femmes

What was the last song you downloaded?

‘Car Chase Terror’ – M83

An album you love that is flawless from start to finish (in other words no song skipping necessary)?

the Streets – A Grand Don’t Come for Free

The song that made you get the album in that first place?

his first album

Give me the song title which you think best describes who you actually are. Explain.

‘Portrait of the Damned’ – My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult

Now give me the song title which you think best describes your personality. Explain.

‘Asleep at the Trigger’ – Autolux

Quick – your favorite clever song lyric!

From ‘They can only hurt you when you sleep’ – Fig Dish

“If I saw your face, i would surely run
To the nearest far-off place”

A romantic song that is NOT cheesy & your favorite lyric from that song.

‘Crazy In Love’ – Kane

“I don’t think that it seems really all that strange
when i’m outside doing cartwheels in the rain
if you could see her walk across a crowded room
you would understand why i go insane
the way she glistens in the moonlight
the way she outshines the stars,
brighter than any sun”

i woke thurday morning in a panic. not the half-joke panic i usually exaggerate here, but a real one. i couldnt breathe.

i had eaten something spicy the night before, and my stomach just did not agree. i was halfway into a imaginary crime-spree/sex-romp when it happened. i jumped up to me knees and started coughing. bad idea. see, while i was expelling all my air in coughs, i was unable to draw new breath. some of the acid from my stomach had made its way up my throat and was making things hard. i was all clogged. not in some nasty mucus way, but in some nasty stomach acid way. i sat there on the edge of my bed, coughing and drooling heavily, the saliva from my mouth unable to go down my throat.

i was terrified. i kept clutching at my throat, and a good solid minute later i was able to choke in a little air. by the time i was able to draw breath normally ( a couple minutes later), the back of my throat was on fire, and no amount of water was helping the situation. i’d had minor problems with a little acid before, but none so bad. none had ever prevented me from breathing. and you know, i’ve grown partial to breathing. sure, there have been a couple of times where we didnt see eye to eye. when i almost drowned. when i got that apnea thing going. when i thought i was breathing too loudly or wheezing. we got over all of that. what happened?

i’m almost scared to go to sleep for fear of it happening again. my life did most certainly flashed before my eyes, and let me tell you. thats not a flick i want to catch again.

Valentines Day had always been a day of mourning for me. in years past, i would be irritable, cranky, and generally in a bad mood for most of the day. usually upset because i was single and didnt want to be. not the case this year. so for fun, i’m took another bloggers idea and searched for songs on my computer to listen to with ‘love’ in the title. shuffled them all up, and this is what came out (but only the first 13).

1. u2 – when love comes to town
2. the pixies – la la love you
3. mansun – love is…
4. eisley – my lovely
5. new order – bizarre love triangle
6. the stone roses – ten story love song
7. juliana hatfield – everybody loves me but you
8. bad company – feel like making love
9. far – love, american style
10. bryan adams – have you really ever loved a woman?
11. david bowie – modern love
12. failure – the nurse who loved me
13. otis redding – a woman, a lover, a friend

so what did i eventually end up doing on this loveliest of superficial commercial holidays? i worked. as bad as it sounds, it really wasnt. i still ended the day without a valentine, and whereas that sucked, i got over it and pushed on.

halfway through my day, a woman came in and started a conversation with me. and when i say woman, i mean goddess. holy crap this woman was/is beautiful, the kind of woman you’d trade ten years of your life just to be with (the ten at the end). the one or two other times i’ve met her, she was very sweet and kind to me, and today she seemed down. she told me that she had just ended her current relationship because her man didnt pay her enough attention, sometimes going weeks without talking to her. that poor, underappreciated woman. she looked like she had been crying a little bit, and i was more than willing to help her talk it out for her to feel better. really, its what i do and what i enjoy.

so about ten minutes into our conversation, i get some bumfuck hillbilly in need of attention. he asks me for help, and i try as subtle as i can to tell him to fuck off. i looked at him, i looked back at the woman, then i looked back to him. THIS IS MAN CODE, PEOPLE. it means ‘fuck off, can’t you see i’m talking to this chick?’. the mountain man didnt get it, and because technically i’m supposed to help him (though fifteen feet away, my co-worker was more than capable), i did. she left when i was busy with this inbred yocal fucktard. i spent the next couple of hours in awe, knowing that i was submarined by a half-witted mongoloid (some things never change).