Archive for April, 2006
set phasers to “low prices”
Loopy seems hell bent on hurting my feelings lately. first she says i have fat ankles, then she tells me i have dainty, woman hands. i suppose it’s ok, i got her back by getting her hooked on W.o.W.
TAKE THAT!
been a pretty decent week really. i’m not feeling completely worn out and ragged at work. my boss finally got his head out of his ass (if only temporarily) and got me some help. so i have my own personal bitch now. weee! i also went out and purchased the Dukes of Hazzard movie, with Loopy in tow (looking at once, embarassed and dissapointed). least she doesnt have to watch Spice World now. also purchased that night, Top Secret! and The Jerk (26th anniversary edition).
‘Machismo’ and I went grocery shopping at the Tijuana Wal-Mart. least thats how we identify it anymore. our checkout woman didnt let us down on the neverending cavalcade of total fucking freaks hired to make us feel better about ourselves. the 45 year-old virgin didnt help us this time, which left me wondering if anything had happened to him. the lady, with the enviable task of scanning ramen after ramen, weighed all of 47 pounds soaking wet. she also seemed to have some sort of candy addiction, as she kept popping candy into her mouth as she went to ramen hell. i was so focused on that, that i didnt notice some of her flair. she had a star trek phaser permit badge. its things like that that make my time in wal-mart well spent. one tiny little 10 second tidbit to make me smile about the previous 45 minutes of complete misery. sure she had a regular permit, but can she conceal and carry?
sister christian was kind enough to think of me when she decided to discard her old things. buying a new puter desk left her with an old one to toss somewhere, and since ive always liked it, i was #1 on the list. thrown in were a few chairs that i’ve been wanting for my bedroom, so its a pretty sweet deal. delivered, set up, and so much better than the end table i WAS using for a puter desk (i know, i’m ghetto). and since i’m always curious to see everyone elses setup, i took a pic of mine, and urge you to do the same.
nothing fancy, functionality being my only demand. i think i might need a picture or two around it now, just for deco. or a fake plant…hmmm. oh! notice that my fat ass couldnt even move my snacks out of the way before cementing the photo. yay me. i will admit to they being a newfound addiction. mozzarella & sun-dried tomato gourmet snack crackers are like heroin, baby.
deny it! deny it!
I know unfulfilled heads.
i really have to start watching my mouth at work more. the things that are coming out of it are going to start getting me in trouble. on two occasions, my mouth has embarassed/ almost got my ass kicked in the last 24 hours.
weds: i farted. said to the male coworker i thought was behind me “christ man, i think i just melted my shorts. it fucking stinks in here now. i wouldn’t come back over here.” before turning around and seeing a very hot woman looking for help. needless to say, i was embarassed, but tried to cover it (likely unsuccessfully).
thurs: a very large black man with an untidy fro comes in my store, and in the midst of pleasantries, instead of saying “okay”, i came out with “o-tay”. he looked at me and i swore to god that my life was about to end. i played it off and kinda wondered away. crisis averted, i live another day.
all that, and white trash. if only i got paid every time i had to tell some dirty-ass retard to put some clothes on before he comes into my store… well, i’d prolly still have not cashed that check either, but i’d have it to cash. no clothes. no money. no exception for killing them and making the world a better place. laws must be reformed. i thought there were laws against torture? they are torturing me, i think its only fair that i should be able to smite them at will. someone who has a greater understand of law get back to me on this.
my work schedule has been perma-fucked as of late, severely limiting my time spent with Loopy. it sucks, but she’s promised to cook for me this weekend when we have a little time together. so i’m looking forward to that. made her watch Amelie the other night for the first time. why is it that that movie seems to take 4 hours to go through? i mean, its an awesome movie, and i dont mind watching it over and over, but it always seems 4 hours long. is it just me?
i just found out that tool has a new album out in 2 weeks. where was i? its strange that im looking forward to it so much. the last time they had an album come out, i was in a bad place and i’d like to think it helped me through that rough patch. even if buying it did start an argument…
its good friday and i’m working on my a.d.d. (least then i’d have an excuse)! easter is this sunday, and it seems to have also creeped up on me. strangely, i’ve received no invitations to a SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY CHURCH EXTRAVAGANZA!!! makes me wonder whats going on with my family. i mean, if they’ve given up on me, does that mean jesus has also?
…..it was that brokeback mountain reference wasnt it?
and lastly, i’ve decided that i need to make a mix disc for someone, and to start that chain a goin’. i know it had passed through some of the ladies’ diaries that visit here, and it seems to have wondered completely off the map, not unlike johnny #5 once upon a time.
no worries, el debarge will not make a surprise appearence on your cd. first person thats not local (and not Katrinka), and leaves a note requesting it, gets it. standard rules apply, no track listing until you listen, and write a review of said disc in your blog.
You Have Been Warned.
let me preface anything i write here by saying that i have a very strong stomach. its been years since i’ve been pyshically ‘vomity’ ill, and such illness from anything i ate or drank is close to nil (save for one disasterous incident with bbq sauce, hash browns, shredded cheese, and little smokies). tonight, i came really close to relapsing to a porcelain worship religion because of something i drank.
this.
i have an energy drink problem. i love to try all kinds of strange and new exotic flavors. bee pollen in it and im allergic? fuck it! hook me up! (lips went totally numb on that one btw…) tonight, this train of thought nearly did me in. i didnt bother reading the label, because why bother? coca-cola makes it! “i like coke, i’ll be fine”
no. no. no. no. no.
see. one of the secondary ingredients in this creation is “coffee extract”. ok. i like coke. i like coffee. but after trying this, i can honestly say that those are two flavors that should NEVER ever be together. i dont care what you say, there is no defending this sacrilege, not even with a snazzy new website. if ‘intrigue’ and ’sophistication’ are words used to describe the flavor of this new beverage, then i’m going to start describing my bowel movements in the same manner., and i swear to god i’m going to include the words ‘effervescence’ (which i can spell correctly, unlike the retards at coke) and ‘corn-ucopia’ (which is just me being crass).
an hour after i drank some of this, just thinking about it made me shiver with disgust. FUCKING DISGUST. please trust me, but i can understand if this blog entry pushes you out the door to explore it on your own. i would, but admittedly, i’m an idiot.
and speaking of words spelled incorrectly. i’m having a problem with co-workers of mine making up their own words to drive me crazy. i’ve been subject to “SUPPOSABLY” (which is, i’m assuming, a variation of supposedly) and “INFINEOUS” (an infinite clone? i’m still cornfused). i understand that my co-workers aren’t the brightest, but is it too much to ask for them to use real words? fuck, they do enough stupid things to last everyone a lifetime, they dont have to speak the same. someone do something before i do, or things will be infineoutly messy.
Put ‘em on tha Glass
so blah blah blah, i’ve finally written another entry. and not about bathrooms (sorry Andrea, that wasnt my crapper), go figure. also? daylight savings time sucks big hairy balls.
i guess i can start with our ‘new’ couch. see, our old couch had been riddled with cat urine, and was just foul all the way around. i dont ever see myself buying any furniture for anything but my bedroom, so i dont bother with it. i mean really, i dont even sit on the furniture we have now, so ‘Machismo’ can deal with whatever needs he has concerning the issue. me carried out and tossed the old couch about 2 weeks ago, without any replacement. so there was this giant empty space in our living room, which i kind of liked, but will agree with it looking bad. a friend of his was supposed to get him the hook-up on some sort of sectional or something, but as of yet has not come through. not a biggie really. we’re two single guys with no aspirations of holding any high-class socials, our furniture could be made of milk crates (long as they function correctly) and we would be fine.
i come home tuesday-ish and see a couch in our living room. its comfortable, and the price was right, but there’s one thing about it. walked through the door, i saw this:
and said “HOLY SHIT, IT’S MAMA’S FAMILY IN MY LIVING ROOM.” and it is. i’m still waiting to see if Bubba won’t wear those chuck’s for once. ive been waiting a week. i refuse to wait any longer.
in the last 3 months, ive had exactly one weekend day off of work. so i took the initiative and asked for friday, saturday, and sunday off. to my complete shock, i got them. i wasnt even called to come in. not sure if my heart can take any more of such excitement. but alas, i really should try.
Loopy arrived at my doorstep late friday night, with plans on staying the entire weekend. normally, in my past, i would have had a problem with this. sometimes you need alone/me time, and a whole weekend was just too much. not the case really, i like having loopy around. plus, she makes awesome noises in her sleep. ASK HER ABOUT THEM! she even ran for donuts on saturday morning. i think it goes without saying that Loopy rocks. she even let it slide that i spent some time playing wow this weekend (though she admitted that if she had my password, she would have played while i slept). first the dark tower series, now wow? someones gonna fail that dork check, and soon…
i burned her like 47 cd’s of artists that are going to be performing at bonnaroo. we spent a few hours tie-dying some clothing to indulge her hippie slant. i’d show you pictures of all of them, but i’ll let her show you hers, and i’ll show you mine
so, like, now you have to show me yours.
