Save Lando

know what bothers me? when i ask someone to sign something and they say something about putting their “john henry” on it. seriously. john henry was a steel drivin’ man, get it straight, you fuckwits. i cringe all the time on that. it happens at least once a day, and i want to stab stab stab everyone that says it. maybe i should start leaving my pocketknife at home…

know what else bothers me? (in my apparent post of nothing but bitching) pretty much everyone. it seems that lately, all of my store customers share a distinct aura. they are all talking the same, buying the same, and even looking the same. its driving me crazy.

everywhere i look? yeah, this guy:

i cant even leave my house anymore without running into thousands of Larry the Cable Guy clones. and all of them dead set on making my state beautiful and well-learned. ‘Machismo’ and i were out bill paying/grocery shopping earlier today. i saw a chevy caprice raised with monster truck wheels. dead serious. if that wasnt enough? later on, on the other side of town, i saw a ford aerostar the EXACT SAME WAY. the monster truck craze has infested Oklahoma. go figure. it’s a shame when you think things like “man, i should move somewhere classy…like alabama.”

i wished a customer a good rest-of-the-day, and he told me that he loved me too. it almost flustered me for a few minutes. more likely an uninterested response from him, rather than the declaration of his love for me. makes me wonder how his romance life is at home with the wife…

work is a constant source of stress lately. im continuously left with an insane workload and no relief of it. i am starting to get the weekends off, so thats about the only bonus for me right now. said weekends are Loopy-Centric anymore, and thats my only bit of comfort.

if anyone has any suggestions on how to relax, im more than willing to listen.

i was sort-of waiting for Loopy to post on this, but she’s currently more obsessed with World of Warcraft. me thinks she has a problem.

last friday night was my stepmothers birthday. as per the previous several weeks, loopy’s attendance was welcome, but to that point, never happened. well, much to my horror, Loopy met my family that night. not sure who was really more nervous about it. like to think i hid mine pretty well, but i have to say she did also. cool as a cucumber, i tell you. so everything went well (leave details to Loopy if she wants), food was good (“it’ll make a turd” – as quoted from a customer of mine once), and there was only one awkward moment.

i dunno. maybe its not so laughable anymore, but just having to explain how you met someone online is always weird. then having to explain it again because people on the other side of the table didnt hear only makes it worse. i tried not using the word ‘computer’ at all. i then informed them that Loopy had tired of my avoidance and had cornered me, demanding our meeting. not really too far from the truth, as much as someone may argue it.

my familes super x-tian tendencies were delightfully subdued that night. i appreciated that muchly, and let sister christian know. everyone seemed to like the Loop, with 2 thumbs up from said sister, and good reviews all around from the rest of the brood. my great aunt gushing on her way home about how pretty she is. i can only imagine that requests for her presence will increase now.

sorry.

Smed, having been the winner of my first cd ‘thing’. has posted a review of the cd i sent, so now i suppose it’s my job to post track titles. i’ll do so with brief descriptions as not to totally cornfuse the general populace (or the 3 people that read this ‘piece’)

1. foetus – quick fix (charlie clouser mix)

one of my favorite artists, remixed. he’s completely insane and knows it, so he doesnt waste time explaining it to you. he’s been around a quarter century and still hasnt found time to off himself – miracles do happen.

2. freezepop – super sprode

poppy little electric number that always makes me laugh. yes smed, they are american. they’re a cutesy little band that writes super-catchy throw away tunes.

3. deerhoof – milk man

i will not defend this song. it does, however, almost make me want to try heroin. dont ask.

4. ministry – smothered hope (f. nivek ogre)

you were spot on with your ministry ref. it IS ministry, with Ogre (from Skinny Puppy) on vocals. no one else does guitar like that.

5. eric schwartz – empty friend (failure cover)

this one was an odd add. one of my all-time favortyie bands is Failure. but instead of adding a failure track, i added a cover of one. the guy doing the cover is a frequent poster on the Autolux forums. the actual line is “some empty friend talked me into sleep. sweet dreams. and threw my wings, into the blazing sun.”

6. from bubblegum to sky – my 1,000 years with robots

NOT BRITS. dudes originally from texas, and is named “Hernandez”. and i’m glad smed got the message. there are robots. that is all you need. DID YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE?!?! THAT IS ALL YOU NEED!

7. nina simone – feelin’ good

this was one of the three tracks i was positive you’d know. i was wrong.

8. flaming lips – a spoonful weighs a ton

this was another i thought you’d know. i was right. at least i was right, AFTER i was wrong. this makes me more right than wrong. smed is also 200% correct in stating that this album is a must own.

9. robert smith – pirate ships (1989 b-side)

yes. it’s a new-age pirate shanty. what in the world spurned robert smith from the cure to make this song, i have a feeling i’ll never know. i do, still, like it. i’m a little surprised smed didnt single out robert smith. maybe it’s because i’m an enormous cure fan, but i always think his voice is wholly distinguishable immediately.

10. lodger – 24 hour candy machine

sexxay! they have an animated video for this on their site. no linkies because i cant do ALL the work for you guys. i think he wants his candy sugar-free because he may be diabetic or have some sort of hyperactivity disorder. them’s my only guesses.

11. liz phair & material issue – tra la la (the banana splits song)

i have memories of those damn banana splits and those slides. it taints my childhood.

12. curse of monkey island – a pirate i was meant to be

a song from a video game? this was my one curveball. i had heard it somewhere down the line and always liked it, so i kept a copy. since there was a slight pirate theme to the disc, i thought it worked well, but was ultimately unhappy with the placement of it on the cd.

13. decemberists – the mariners revenge

landlocked?!?! you think that stops pirates? you sir, are grossly underestimating their desire for booty.

14. oingo boingo – goodbye, goodbye

it’s a constant struggle not to end every mix cd i have ever made with this song. its the perfect ending song. maybe fast times beat that into me, but i agree wholly. if only i could have thrown phoebe cates in there for smed also. have a feeling i’d be receiving cash back.

WOO HOO!