Save Lando

nowhere to start with any direction in my writing today. i feel like i’ve been focusing too much on religion lately, so i’m taking a break for a bit. nothing about jesus today, sorry. this last weekend was a tough one. i could try to use a bunch of metaphors to express everything going on in my world right now, but i’ll save you all a good eye-rolling. i’d inevitably end up quoting some song that, like, 3 people have heard of, and feel like an ass for ripping it off. things are screwy around me, and i don’t think even something so heavenly as duct-tape can fix ‘em. i’m not so terribly horrible, but people important to me are having a rough go as of late. 2007 is not so-far, so-good.

Loopy had a bad work experience, which i’m pretty much helpless on. if there was anything i could do to even help the situation, i would be more than happy to. i spent a good portion of my sunday worrying about her, and her mental wellness. being so stressed out that you’re crying about your job is something that no one should have to suffer through. i can say that i hate my job, and my boss, but i can also say that neither has ever brought me to tears. urges towards genocide certainly, but never tears. wish her well, folks, she needs it right now. cyber hugs! she also didnt seem to even consider my idea of sneaking in her bosses office and shitting on her boss’ desk. like that’s a bad idea or something? hear me out. giant spicy curry lunch, and blammo! instant payback.

i’m, also, in a bit of a funk. things just seem all-too-weird for me right now. alien landscape and such. some things in my life are great, and where i want them to be, and yet others are completely out of control, and careening the 2007 Lando model down a road paved with broken glass. shit. sorry. is it always this way, though? does anything ever line up and work the way we all want it to? hell, i can’t even sleep correctly anymore. I’m tossing and turning and waking up with hurting arms/shoulders constantly. my one refuge from the moldy parts of my life is gone, i cant get a good nights sleep for anything. i don’t feel like i’m emoting enough. sure, i got a little choked up watching Buffy with Loopy the other day, but other than that, i feel pretty ineffectual emotionally. i’m afraid that i’m in danger of becoming the robot.

i am way too prone to these thoughts. this is a guy who used to worry about the loudness and intensity of his breathing in relation to normal breathing. now, i’m worrying that i’m not feeling enough? there’s always the moments where you get caught staring at your special someone, and they wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. sure, it happened a few times recently, but it really was the only time i could turn off my brain long enough to be comfortable. i guess that in that situation, for a few minutes, you don’t really wonder if theres anything wrong with you because you’re with that someone. and lets face it, if theres that much wrong with you, think of how fucked up that other person must be to be with you. i’m not really sure if any of this is making any sense to anyone, myself included.

and just added to the things i’ve ingested list, i have something new. no, its not curry, there was no foreshadowing. i can’t do curry for the simple fact that it goes in as curry, and comes out as curry. no thanks, i think i’ve met my quota on shitting my pants in this lifetime. no doubt alot of you have seen/read about a new energy drink on the market. critics are upset over its naming, claiming its pandering to inner city youth bent on idolizing drug use and drug culture. i say they’ve never tried it, well, at least not the energy drink one.

in a double-blind taste test,
robots are found to prefer coke to pepsi at a ratio of 3:1.

Cocaine is every bit is amazingly powerful as it seems. holay crap. it claims to produce 3.5 times the energy as red bull, in the same serving. I’m not so sure about the energy, but i can tell you it has 1.5 billion the amount of cinnamon flavor in comparison to red bull. first, let me preface things by stating that im not too big on cinnamon. its an overly dramatic taste. cinnamon rolls are divas. red hots are prima donnas. seriously, cinnamon is a high-school cheerleader of a spice. you know, nice to look at, but once you put it in your mouth… ok! nevermind. i made it through 3/4 of the can before i had to chuck it. way too much cinnamon, and just not enough actual cocaine. i mean christ, why did i pay $2.99 for it if there’s no actual cocaine in it. i’m contemplating a lawsuit for false advertising. i mean, if you’re going to lie, they could have made it taste good, like crystal pepsi did. that stuff was ‘the shit’.

earlier today, my boss questioned me about a stack of about 10 sales invoices he found, that i had signed under the false name of “Hot Carl”.

someone call an exorcist. surely, the power of christ must compel you. so, like, i’m new here. can someone show me around? does anyone know where i can get an wicked taco at 3 am up in this piece? taco me. now.

the move went well, as no major problems arose. the tools for transferring archives from blogger to here made me weep. i spent 3 days transferring everything from dland to blogger, and 15 minutes doing the same from blogger to here. that alone, and the fact that i can tinker with this one a bit was enough for me. some of you might even recognize the picture above as my semi-retired super hero. he never had a name, but wore a collander and goggles, and wielded a waffle iron. and i wasnt even drunk!

i also wasnt drunk when i got a ride of from that religious nut i work with. he, thankfully, didnt bring up religion, but i did. when picking at, and mentioning that he had a splinter in his had, i told him that perhaps it wasnt a splinter. perhaps it is stigmata. he gave me a blank stare which told me he didnt get it, and i left it alone. this was like the day after he asked me about jesus. i just cant get away from all that here in oklahoma, as i will recap shortly in my xmas day events.

oh. merry x-mas everyone. guess i’m a few days late though. hope everyone got what they want, and no one got vd. because thats bad. i’d love to read everyones x-mas stories, but know that most people were/are off actually doing things with family or loved ones. so when you get the chance, make that happen. here’s where i follow my own advice…

my x-mas started with me doing absolutely nothing for several hours early. i sat on my ass, i played some wow, and pretty much just waited for someone to let me know we were starting our family thing. i got a call about 2, letting me know that even though the expected starting time was 5pm, we were going in at 3. earlier in the week, my uncle and stepmom got into it about the whole holiday meal thing. he wanted a to-the-9’s meal, and she wanted to just get some catered trays with snacks on em. i guess i can see both sides of the argument, fuss vs muss, but its friggin x-mas. if the holiday was half as important to them as they insist it is, why even have a second thought about not making it special and grandiose? the meal won out, but because it wasnt my stepmoms thing, we had to have it somewhere besides the usual meeting ground of her and my fathers home. loverly.

where do we go? my aunts house. yeah, that aunt. surprisingly, i was able to tolerate it for several hours before i thought of genocide. up until i was criticized for not putting the television on mute fast enough to enable the psychos to create a new family tradition of reading from the bible. the christmas story had to be read, aloud. why? no idea. if i gave a shit, i should convert to Judaism. that’ll throw a wrench into the works. in fact, i’m just going to plant that seed by asking if everything is kosher in front of them. or not. thats too much effort. like we dont all know the x-mas story? joe and mary got their kid a bb gun and it was curtains for everyones eyes after that. curtains, i tell you.

we drew names, and i ended up with a watch. i dont really wear them, but had one on my wishlist, so it worked. now i just have to get used to wearing a watch again. Loopy was in Houston, dealing with her family, so i was sort of lonely. missed her and all. she sounded like she was having a good time there, so it wasnt all bad. before she left, i snuck some awesome tunes on her mp3 player. justin timberlake hooooooooo! wicked. she loved it. dont let her lie to you about it. other than that, it was fairly uneventful. an extra day off of work during the week, which was good. then a crappy return the next day, which was bad. i must get to work on winning the lottery. must. imperative.

this past weekend, we spent our time together lounging and taking a midday nap for three hours. very enjoyable weekend, and i was very dissapointed when i had to return to work on new years eve. not that i go out, or even party, but theres just some days you’d like to spend with special people, you know? new years eve was pretty uneventful also, Elf Cum and i spent the night playing wow a few feet from each other, having fully exhausted our supply of jack daniels the night before in a darvocet-mixing extravaganza. it’s strange being in a relationship where i’m not fighting with my better half on every holiday/special occasion. i know, its a weird thing to say, likely because i’ve had some fucked up relationships in the past. it’s nice (the not fighting, not the past), definitely something i could get used to.

so happy new years everyone. i figure if i wait a little longer to post this, i might be able to sneak in a presidents day also. i’m not making any resolutions. it seems an empty promise, as no one ever keeps them. so i guess my resolution is not to make any resolutions. its an anti-resolution. i think its fitting.