Save Lando

so, anyone watch the olympics? yeah, i did too. as much as i tried to resist, the whole phelps-mania was too much of a pull. i even watched a little gymastics. both men and women. had the sudden irresistable urge to go hunt down a dvd copy of Gymkata. i, of course have to live vicariously through film concerning gymkata, as my body surely could not handle the stress. case-in-point? i had back spasms for 4 straight days this last week. normally, i would wither and resort to a mild foetus-like pose before blaming the impending cancer for my demise. not this time, i just chalked my pain up to getting friggin old and lifting ‘olympic-caliber heavy loads’, if you get my drift. you don’t? yeah, no one else does either, really.

and because there just haven’t been enough things going wrong lately, our air conditioning decided to take some time off one day recently. Loops and I were at work, and i guess that was when it decided to lay down on us. as i wrote this, i was drenched in sweat and not looking forward to trying to sleep in the yuck. thankfully the 100 degree weather left for a few days, and we were only stuck at about 85 while we have this problem. still too damn hot for me, who likes it 65-70 in the house. the comfort zone had been compromised. its fixed now, thankfully. the mexican lawn workers whacked our AC unit when they were weeding. cut some wires, its all good now that i don’t have swamp-ass.

since the election year seems to be warming up on the political front, i will promise that the next time my family sends me any smear emails concerning barack obama, i’m signing them and everyone else it was forwarded to, up to the obama campaigns mailing list. i dont really like to talk politics with my family, knowing that they’ll vote for whoever their pastor tells them to. so it bothers me that they feel the need to involve me in these emails which are usually just plain ignorant nonsense. i’m happy to say that none of my immediate family are involved in much racism or bigotry as far as i know. there are lunatic fringes further on down the family tree, you know, where one branch connects to the stump.

i’m a registered Democrat, and more than likely, i’ll vote Obama/Biden. sure, it bothers me that he’s a white sox fan, but how can you argue with this?

better start your training, McCain.

so i went to mcdonalds the other day. i know. i know. but in my defense, i have a nugget issue, and sometimes that yen needs to be cashed. thats neither here nor there, though. so i was driving through, and when asked what i wanted, i responded in kind with a quantity of delicious chickenish pieces. immediately after saying this, a different person than the one i had started with asked me a question. this second voice was just about the gayest voice i’ve heard in awhile, and it asked me “do you want sauce with that?” and then a quieter “mmm?”. i was caught a little bit offguard and paused before saying “um…no.” immediately after, the first voice gave me my total and i moved on. juvenile reaction to a reasonable question, i know.

and in yet more nugget news, my co-worker that has the growth on one of his testicles has recently found out that its not a tumor, just a build-up of liquid thats, apparently, not uncommon. the doctor pulled some frontier medicine by turning off the lights and shined a light right through his sac before moving to the ultrasound. not sure this is the standard method, but it makes me feel better about potentially having to ever see a doctor. the only thing that would have made the story better is finidng out it was a blacklight and there was hendrix playing…. and that maybe it wasnt really a doctor. my co-worker seems pretty elated too, and i can’t really blame him, he was fearing a cut job on his twins. enough to make any man squirm.

so here’s something you probably won’t get a kick out of. lord knows i didn’t. my computers hard drive took a complete and total shit on me. crashed, couldn’t get her back up again. so i pretty much just lost all my music and pics. about 50 gigs worth. which really sucks some major ass, the pics and music on that old hard drive were things i would have liked to most definitely saved. but i guess all good things come to an end, as that computer did. Loops is sympathetic, but was more than happy to pilfer the good ram i had stockpiled in that machine. i took the opportunity to spend way too much money and buy myself a new macheen. just about quintupled the ram, and quadrupled the hard drive space. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PORN I CAN STORE NOW?

rhetorical, rhetorical.

and after a couple days, i seem to have developed a full body cold sore. awesome. almost as awesome as everyone that comes into my work thinks that my indian co-worker is mexican. i know there isnt much diversity here, but damn. people are dumb here. oh, i also saw the coolest shirt ever on a customer, he even let me take a pic of it. sadly, the pic didnt turn out, but i found it easy enough online.

i’ve seen other shirts lately that make me wonder how some guys ever got their cherry popped. here’s something i see every day. shirts with comic book characters on guys that are 30+. i don’t get it. i mean, i was into that stuff too, i think i even had a joker t-shirt back in ‘89 that i wore alot. i also think i was 12 at the time. the last guy i saw reminded me of the dork ion the comic shop from an earlier entry. he was with a buddy wearing a shirt that said “respect the goat”. i didn’t bother asking for fear that my head would explode. a few minutes later, a guy stood in front of me wearing a big floppy camo hat and a shirt with a stormtrooper helmet on it. i’m as big a dork as the next guy, why is it that i find these things unacceptable? i have to stop here, or else this turns into a fashion blog and then Loops will be jealous of all the snarky female attention i’ll get.

in other happy news, i’ve spent a great deal of time the last week or so getting a little depressed. for some reason, memories of J9 have been creeping into my skull. for those of you not in the know, J9 was a friend of mine that committed suicide earlier this decade. so, lamenting aside, work was the common place i decided to reflect on things. happy work days seem scarce during these times. i dont go back and look at pics or anything, i dont even really think about a guitar strap of his thats still hanging on my wall in the bedroom. i think it happened when i was listening to my mp3 player and a song we wrote (that i played) came over.

i still have an enormous sense of guilt, thinking that i could have done something to stop him. i know its irrational, but it’s still there. i wonder sometimes if i’ll always feel this way. i know that time heals all wounds, but this seems one thats not very ready to ever go away. i almost decked my boss when i mentioned him committing suicide and the boss responded “good. if he wanted to die, thats good.” i had to inform him that it was not good, now will it ever be good, and that stating such would make ice very thin in my workplace. maybe not in so eloquent of words, i was so bad that i can’t really remember what i said word for word.

oh yeah, and i think i mentioned boner juice in the last entry. anyone who reads this blog has an idea about my weakness for anything food/drink related. whilst i think the drink i found nowhere compares to having Samson’s Seed fill my mouth, i think it might not be far. lord knows it couldn’t be any worse than that steven segal shit. christ, i still have nightmares that someone is pissing soy and cherries into my mouth….

anyway. found this drink at the store, just a regular convenience store, not a specialty shop. the name of the product isnt ‘boner juice’ because who would buy that? ok, probably some of you. boner juice was just the nickname i gave it because it made me giggle. i think i just like saying boner, hence my reason for its repeated typing in this blog entry. figured i’d buy it just to test the product. i, being a man of science, have put off testing the product until i feel it’s safe to do so. the last thing we need to see is my apartment being knocked off of its foundation and 9 people perishing because an experiment went right/wrong.

been awhile, yadda yadda. Least i’m keeping you a little more updated than my better half. i’m starting to think that if we want an entry from here, i’ll have to write it myself.

you know whats bugging me? well, if you answered “just about everything”, you may be 200% correct. the source of my ire lately has been everyone and everything. there are, of course, a few exceptions, but who wants to retract statements one sentence later? screw that. i’ve earned my anger and i can use it any way i want to damnit, even if that includes blogging about it every blue moon (or whenever i get super friggin bored). all this being said, i really don’t know where to go. i kept some notes, but as per usual, i can’t find a damned thing, and the last thing Loops would enjoy is me running into the bedroom while shes trying to sleep rummaging through a bevy of dirty jeans looking for scraps of paper. “sorry babe! but i have to write about work and stupid ass things that barely constitute a mention!”

ok. Taco Mayo, some fast food taco place around here has been running commercials on the radio station i listen to. at least twice an hour i get to hear an all together confusing commercial with a funny but overworked premise (no-win situations). see, thats not so annoying until you take into account that the commercials narrorater is irish. IRISH. doing a commercial for Taco Mayo. now see, after a couple listens, i couldn’t decide. is it just plain dumb, having someone with a thick irish accent do commercials for a taco joint, or is it someone trying so hard and failing to do a mexican accent, that it came out irish? it’s all very annoying and nothing to really spend any sort of time thinking about, but you have to realize. i hear this commercial at work. i focus on music/radio to i don’t get to urge to kill. this throws a wrench into the equation, not only in the sense that i’m spending your valuable time writing about it (sucker), but that i’m more inclined to go out and buy some irish spring before i buy tacos from said rat trap.

i got another year older a few weeks back. after waffling on Loops request to find a gift, i gave in and let her buy me a new camera. i would hope to take a bunch of photos to show you, but i’m just too damn lazy. maybe soon i’ll pepper in some shots of things you really dont want to see (including Harry down below and that new photo of me over there on the right). the personal holiday came and went without much ado, most people forgot or just plain didn’t know, and those that did didn’t make a big deal of it. i ended up working through it and pushing the family get together to the following weekend. my stepmother didn’t appear overly excited to be around us, but everyone else seemed fine with our meal. afterwards we all went and watched the dark knight. excellent, had a wonderful time. i’d like to have some sort of wild, drunken tale to tell you guys, but i fear that i’m so boring, you’ve probably already moved along from this entry. the cornholers got me a wonderful gift also. i had informed everyone that i’d had quite enough of the gnome gifts, but i can always make an exception for guys like Harry here. (thanks guys, you rock. Lisa, get back to me about that magazine thing)

check out who i share a birthday with.

had to call my mother and grandmother to let them know i got their cards. figured its what a good kid would do. is it bad that by the time i got off the phone with my mother that i had already started drinking? they were both going on about that whole me moving back there thing. i was asked that if my mom moved back to my hometown, would i move up there also? i explained that 2000 miles just sometimes isn’t enough, and that buffer zones must be respected and paid attention to. the best commitment they could drag out of me was me saying i would be more likely to visit. ha. if i do, remind me to buy a flask.

had more car issues. for the third time in the last 6 months, my car has just decided to give me shit. its always on a monday, and its always when i want to leave work. seriously. i don’t like mondays either, but this is pretty retarded. my mechanic got off his ass and went to check it out (after telling me that there was nothing wrong last time) and found the problem. and guess what? its exactly what i told them it was last time. fuckers. at least he treats me well and doesn’t rape my wallet. just hate the whole being without my car for a day or two. i went so long without one, that it physically pains me not to be able to go drive somewhere for no reason whatsoever.

we’ve, as of today, had about two weeks here of 100+ degree weather. i really didnt think my balls could sweat that much, seriously. and when its the weekend and you have a choice between doing ANYTHING or sitting at home in the ac. guess which wins around here over 100 degrees. thats right, shut-in city. least i’m not existing on pizza. the Swede should really get to work on resolving this whole Brett Favre issue, as its being generally annoying on the news/radio/television. my boss at work (had to specify) has set up a command center on the inside of my colon. he spends his time there pulling me from one side to the other, talking on his cell phone, and listening to the newest Katy Perry tracks (whatever happened to Jill Sobule? nevermind, just checked youtube. time is a harsh mistress…). hell, i don’t know what to write about, i”m not going to write about boner juice yet (thats next entry! you’ll have to wait! check back! hourly!)