i know that i promised some stories about ‘Frodo’. he’s since moved along, and is no longer my charge at work. and for the better. incredibly taxing working with someone who has no personal hygiene regiment. the smell of body odor consumed this poor lad, and having ‘the talk’ with someone who needs to wash his dirty ass is just a talk that i’d had to visit more times than i care to remember. i hope these episodes arent indicative of todays youth and their lax standards concerning such necessities. also, i’m going to seriously damage the next person who seriously quizzes me with “what news of the shire, bilbo?”.
sitting here, i can’t even remember the last time i posted. not that it makes much of a difference, as i’m sure everyone has pretty much given up on their expectations regarding me writing anything. myself included, i suppose. years have since come and gone without so much regalia. when last i wrote, i was a sprite-like dynamo of 31. sadly, with all that hasn’t changed since i last wrote, my age in earth years have.
yes, i had a birthday, and yes, my mother flew into town for it. why my birthday? no idea. she spent a week here at my sisters retreat, and many a drinks were had in secret. you know when you’re having a conversation with someone, and they decide to add to the conversation something that is completely random and unrelated to said conversation? like the kind of statement that screams that you’re only waiting to talk about what you want to talk about and have nothing really to add? yeah, that happened about 6 million times that week. i’m sure my sister had to restock her vino post-visit. poor sis.
also, my computer decided to blow up that week. upon attempting to swithc out a video card given to me as a gift, my hard drive completely bricked, and remains unaccessable to this day. i’m much happier with my new machina, but it was a little bit of a hit all at once. now i can’t afford to buy those grillz i wanted so damn badly.
now i just get to be old. and grillz-less.
and with changes like that, i’m pretty sure i’m not the only who starts having the thoughts. my peaks and valleys seem to center around my birthday and x-mas. we hired a guy at work recently, one year my junior. he has a 14 year-old son. it kind of blew my mind. it made me think about growing up, and what it entails. see, i dont act anywhere near my age if i can help it. thankfully i look years younger also. whew! i was pondering just when the point of no return for manhood was.
i know plenty of guys with children that i wouldn’t ever consider grown up. peter pan syndrome i suppose? who really knows. i tried to think of a time in my life where my father stopped seeming so youthful. the only thing i could come up with was when his father died. its obviously enough to make anyone pass that threshhold into forced adulthood. he seemed a changed man after that. not for the better or worse, but most certainly for the more heartbroken. and i’d ponder the heartbreak being the source of things, but i know thats not true. just something that was rooting around in my head.
and not jogging too far from things, the people formerly referred to as dick and dickless (or ‘the cornholers’) seem to be doing pretty well. moving forward with their lives and such. they both seem to be staying busy, and both seem happy. for that i am grateful. i worried alot about how things would play out when they told me the news. hearing about some of the things both of them are up to makes me wonder if i should be doing things. painting the bathroom or picking up a new hobby or something.
i’ve been a little down lately. been feeling more and more like i’m taxing to be around. i’m struggling to not follow my natural inclination to withdraw from everyone and everything temporarily. i get this feeling pretty much every stop along the way. when i was younger, i used to stare at the sky. while doing so, i could feel the earth moving and me moving with it. earlier tonight, i stared at the moon for a few minutes and remembered these moments. tonight, i wasn’t feeling the earth move, or me with it. all i was feeling was heavy, and saddled with gravity.
