Save Lando

and more beads (if you know what i’m saying)

so i’m looking at new phones. the contract Loops and I have expires soon, and seeing as how my phone was destroyed in a coffee accident, i’ve been ready for one for about a month and a half (or year). if anyone has any suggestions, comments about any phones, drop a note. we use sprint, and it’s a bonus if it can withstand large amount of water and/or coffee. right now, looking at the lg lotus, but i have a month to decide…

let’s see, what else has happened lately? my sister had a birthday recently. to celebrate, the fam got together at my jesus freak aunt’s residence. it was mostly enjoyable, save for a 10 minute period where my aunt insisted on playing a song that reminded her of my sister. granted, my sister has had some shady moments in her past that she’s gotten over and moved away from. everyone has things they’ve done that they’re not proud of. the words to this song so infuriated me that i had to leave the room and vent in private. the lyrics alluded to the singer being an addict and a whore before finding jesus. my sister was and is neither, and if it was even halfway acceptable to slap an old woman in her own house, i’d throw myself a fucking parade.

have i mentioned lately that i hate people? i’ve had a bit of a short fuse lately around other people. it’s like i’m covered in buttons that, when pushed, annoy the shit out of me and everyone wants a damned hug. also, what the hell is with the ed hardy clothes? i’m not sure how widespread this trend is, but its single handedly warming up my “stabbin’ arm”. hell, its oklahoma here, this trend may have run its course everywhere else. if it hasn’t, someone please kill the head so the body will die. please?

and speaking of killing the head. yon Dr. Booty (long time no hear) has been having a semi-eventful existence since moving away. sepereated and divorced from his wife, went batshit crazy and tried suicide. spent most of the last year or two in and out of mental institutions and being homeless. he got a goat’s head pentagram tattoo on his arm. he’d found and lost jesus, told me recently that he’s tired of taking medication, and that he just won’t anymore. i reminded him that our good friend J9 decided the same thing, and look how that turned out. for those of you not in the know, J9 committed suicide a few years back. hopefully, the message got through. I’d rather not have another crazy, dead friend. (r.i.p. Jeff)

in much happier news, the Boho birthed her second child recently. 11 lbs 12 oz.? dear lord Katty. i hope you went cesarian, because if you didn’t, someone’s going to have to call all the king’s horses and all the king’s men just to put your no-no area back together again. best wishes to be and stay healthy and happy with your new bundle of joy. ok, i made a phone call. I had to know for sure. it was a natural childbirth. egads, EVEN MY VAGINA ACHES.

it’s been so terribly long, i haven’t the foggiest idea about where to begin and where to end, so i’ll do my best. or maybe just what i will call my best, but just merely what i consider adequate. or even just mildly acceptable. or just something written down here so people won’t complain. if anyone still reads this nonsense.

i guess that last time i posted, i was quickly approaching a vacation trip to the planet of my birth. so the Loops (she gets no links because the refuses to post anything, ever. well that and it looks like her blog was shut down for inactivity.) and i went to Seattle to visit people on both sides of our familes. She – her father, and me – every crazy relative i have that was close. my mother was there waiting for us at the airport. joy! she even took pictures of us in exciting postions, including pictures that could be labelled “getting the luggage” and “eating dinner”. yeah, because i know that personally, as a fat guy, i love seeing pictures of myself eating. it makes my year. thanks Mom!

we rented a pretty decent little s.u.v. that got around pretty well and proceeded to trek to ‘the isle’. of course, when we left the airport it was storming (surprise!) and the gps we had was on the fritz. after spending 15 minutes driving around, we stopped and got a map, and then the gps started to work. yay. at this point, my sister was driving, and only slightly tense and irritable. my mother was navigating, i was in the backseat smiling, and the Looper was busy with me in the back getting carsick. after too much stress, the sis let me take over, and for my hour plus behind the wheel, the skies cleared and the heavens smiled upon us all the way to paydirt.

i hadn’t seen my grandmother in years. when she saw me, she lit up and cried. and not the way people or small children normally cry when they see me, she was happy about it. the house was kind of crowded with an aunt and uncle there also, and more people in and out of there throughout the week. it was alot of people to handle, so i wasn’t too shocked when Loops started feeling overwhelmed. i felt bad, but there was not a lot i could do about it. just take here somewhere quiet, or away from the house, and let her breathe for a few. i found myself making many a trip out of the house for anything i could think of. not that i wasn’t itching to spend time with my family, but because that many people all at once was sensory overload.

everyone seemed to get along with and like my better half, which i knew wouldnt be a problem. i was pretty nervous about meeting her dad a few days in, but i tried not to think about it until it was there. which came soon enough. she and i went there, i bringing a gift of a OKC Thunder hat, which he seemed to like well enough. he even gave me a hat to take back in some sort of hat-swap. we later took a car ride to the top of a mini-mountain there, and i somewhat endeared myself to him when i ‘accidently’ tormented my better half momentarily with some fish. he was quite the knowledgeable tour guide, as was very sharp.

i also noticed a similarity or two between him and i, and not necessairly in a good way. without going into any detail, i decided i was going to try and watch myself, just to make sure i wouldn’t act in a certain way that would make me apologetic later. i stayed the night and tried to work through what allergies i was being tormented by. seriously, i’ve never had problems. the last few years, my sinuses explode. like bukake explode. it’s not pretty. we sat down and watched Hot Fuzz, and everyone seemed to have a decent time. in the morning, i had some coffee, watched some talk shows with her dad, and left to get back to my grandmothers house (leaving Loopy there for another day).

this was election day. and i can’t tell you what a relief it was to be somewhere friendly on it. people were generally in a good mood, with everyones eyes on the tv to see what was happening. much better than the panic in the streets that was no doubt happening in oklahoma. i think the final count was something akin to 66%-33% here for McCain. i think we just narrowly avoided a riot when people thought they’d have to take down their rebel flags. anyway, my family spent the night huddled in my grandmothers house, watching the end results and listening to Obama’s speech afterwards. i, being a giant raging pussy, got a little misty and had to walk around a little bit.

without Loops, my sister and i went-a-shopping the next day while there were doctors appointments. she was in the midst of trying to get a house sold from halfway across the country, and i was just trying to stay sane away from the older people in my fam. bought a few things that made me smile. a socktopus for Loops, a local newspaper and a st. anthony (the patron saint of bacon) figurine. i’m getting way too detailed here for no reason. my bad. i really have no clue what happened the next day or two before we spent a day in seattle shopping and being driven crazy by the family. the only ones that were constantly cool were my uncle and my cousin, the latter being good for a laugh when i needed it.

thankfully, i got to spend quite a bit of one-on-one time with my grandmother, which i was happy for. we discussed a few things i’d never thought to talk with her about, including religion. the moment we left is one i’ll never forget, and still try not to cry over. i was pulling us out of the driveway to make way to seattle and the airport. as we were pulling out, my grandmother went to her front door and just kind of watched us leave, looking heartbroken. it’s killing me to relive this long enough to type it. i stayed upset for quite awhile over that. i’m going to have that image burned into every memory of her.

we spent a day shopping in seattle before we flew back, complete with my mother. it was one of the most stressful, annoying days i’ve had in a long time. i was ready to go back home and to work after that day. it was a day where the kids had to don the mantle of adult, and the elder family members decided to show that even a little time spent together can be too much. the only real highlight for me was that i was lucky enough to visit the pro shop at quest field and stock up on seahawks gear.

ok, this is too much. i’ll end the update now.

think i’ve pushed through my little bout of the clout. yay?

ok, so i work with some people that are just plain fucking crazy. seriously. the cranky old guy that named his penis ‘buford’, has fallen completely off the world. i expect a certain amount of hesitance when change confronts you at a certain age. particularly in politics. i think the quote from him was “I’M NOT VOTING FOR ANYONE NAMED HUSSEIN TO BE MY PRESIDENT!!! SADDAM HUSSEIN.” i think that comment started my facial tick (kidding, maybe). after his little diatribe about obama being the antichrist and the bible getting the area of the world correct in nailing it, he told me how the economy here in the u.s. could have been fixed. thats right, his fullproof plan to get america on the right track was ignored by our states reps (who he decided to keep writing letters to, to chide them for not listening to him). “SEE, YOU KNOW THAT 700 BILLION DOLLAR BAILOUT? WE HAVE ABOUT THAT MANY PEOPLE IN THE US, RIGHT? IF THEY WOULD HAVE JUST GIVEN ANYONE OVER THE AGE OF 18 A MILLION DOLLARS, THIS WHOLE SITUATION WOULD BE OVER WITH!!!” (and i’m using caps for him because he doesnt really do anything quietly, or without an extreme amount of emphasis). he pretty much glared at me when i said “or how about just taxpayers over 18, right?” which was kind of a stab, knowing that he doesnt pay his taxes, and hasnt for two decades. give everyone a million bucks. brilliant idea, i’m sure that would do wonders for the country, and not at all cause some sort of insane inflation issue. i’d love nothing more than to go to mcdonalds for my nugget fix and spend 600 dollars doing so. what the fuck am i spending? lira?

ah, to live in oklahoma, where people like this are more the rule than the exception. thats not to say i havent met some really cool people lately who seem to have functioning matter. not a day goes by where i don’t get asked at work by customers who i’m voting for. i am honest about it and usually say something to the effect of “i’m an obama guy.” you should hear some of the responses. my favorite so far was “oh… i’ll pray for you then.” it mixed my two favorite things, religion and idiocy (not mutually exclusive). i got a “well, if you served in the military, you’d think differently”. which i can say is absolutely true, perhaps not in the way i vote, but in the way i would do what was commanded to me (be it by an officer, my preacher, and good ole jesus himself). i think it was the tone that bothered me. like no one i ever cared about put their life on the line for this country and it’s ideals. what an asshole. i sound really bitter today, whats with that? maybe i’m the asshole, but whatever.

i’m going on vacation in a couple of days, so wish me well. my mother has decided to fly in also, and after a couple days of apologizing to Loops beforehand, maybe we’ll still come back a couple. what was going to be a fairly easygoing week is turning into something that might might drive everyone nearby completely and totally insane. if there’s some sort of natural disaster located around the seattle area next week, you’ll know in a roundabout way what happened.

so like always, it’s been awhile. never seem to find the time or want to post in this thing anymore, perhaps its just not as exciting as i’d like it to be. also, i’ve been having some bad luck runs lately, and i don’t want to use this as a forum to bitch about everything in my life.

a couple of posts ago i mentioned that my puter’s hard drive melted, so i went out and spent some cash getting a whole new pc. well last week, the new hard drive took a dump, and they replaced it. so all the time i spent getting the other one up to speed was for naught. i’m slowly but surely working on this new one, but as i’ve only had a couple days, things are slow going. also, my zune has decided to expire also. i’ve told loopy that anything she deems important electronically should be moved away from my person. it’s fairly obvious that i kill machines lately. so thats some ass, eh?

only a few weeks left until i brave the friendly skies to washington. my sister and loopy are going also, so things wont be completely insane (yeah right). and something my sister brought up recently has stuck in my head after working very hard not to think about it. odds are, this might be the last time i get to visit her. her health doesnt seem to be going too well, and the parkinsons only seems to get worse. its a thought that puts me on the verge of tears when i focus on it, so i’m trying my best not to think about it.
in fact, im trying my best not to think about anything lately. think i’ve been suffering from some sort of mild depression. mostly causing everyone to ask me “are you ok?”. is there really an answer for that? holy crap, it’s bummer city up in this piece. just wait though, it gets worse!

i also, while in the north, get to meet Loopy’s father. he lives not far from my grandmother, and is pretty right wingy/nra-y. so i’m looking forward to that. hopefully he likes sports and i can just go there instead of anywhere we might have differences. but, as i am just told, he is not voting for mccain. which blows my mind, and gives me a slight tinge of hope for a paragraph or two. yay! not sure how the week we’re spending will be divided, and i’m starting to feel the pangs of my grandmother not having the net. maybe i have problems. HEY! you go a week without!

you know whats weird? i wanted to pull down my post a few hours after i posted it. i usually refrain from going all gung-ho politics in this corner, so when i start getting all worked up like that, it felt very strange to be writing about it. i’m pretty sure most people that read this blog feel the same way i do about this years election, so it was probably unnecessary. i was proud of the pic/pic quote combo, though. i felt like i had something to write about, that i am passionate about, to a certain degree. on the same hand, there was not nearly enough dick and/or fart jokes.

and some more news, a friend of mine’s son is dead. while his momma was at work, he somehow got ahold of a loaded gun at grandmas house and managed to shoot himself in the head. he was 3 years old. was pretty much a horrible day, first having it happen, then being wrenched everytime you had to see it on the news (which was about 12 times). i cant even imagine what shes going through, her child was her world. its strange being on the sidelines for something like that, you want so bad to help and try to make things better, but realize theres ultimately nothing you can really do.

so, anyone watch the olympics? yeah, i did too. as much as i tried to resist, the whole phelps-mania was too much of a pull. i even watched a little gymastics. both men and women. had the sudden irresistable urge to go hunt down a dvd copy of Gymkata. i, of course have to live vicariously through film concerning gymkata, as my body surely could not handle the stress. case-in-point? i had back spasms for 4 straight days this last week. normally, i would wither and resort to a mild foetus-like pose before blaming the impending cancer for my demise. not this time, i just chalked my pain up to getting friggin old and lifting ‘olympic-caliber heavy loads’, if you get my drift. you don’t? yeah, no one else does either, really.

and because there just haven’t been enough things going wrong lately, our air conditioning decided to take some time off one day recently. Loops and I were at work, and i guess that was when it decided to lay down on us. as i wrote this, i was drenched in sweat and not looking forward to trying to sleep in the yuck. thankfully the 100 degree weather left for a few days, and we were only stuck at about 85 while we have this problem. still too damn hot for me, who likes it 65-70 in the house. the comfort zone had been compromised. its fixed now, thankfully. the mexican lawn workers whacked our AC unit when they were weeding. cut some wires, its all good now that i don’t have swamp-ass.

since the election year seems to be warming up on the political front, i will promise that the next time my family sends me any smear emails concerning barack obama, i’m signing them and everyone else it was forwarded to, up to the obama campaigns mailing list. i dont really like to talk politics with my family, knowing that they’ll vote for whoever their pastor tells them to. so it bothers me that they feel the need to involve me in these emails which are usually just plain ignorant nonsense. i’m happy to say that none of my immediate family are involved in much racism or bigotry as far as i know. there are lunatic fringes further on down the family tree, you know, where one branch connects to the stump.

i’m a registered Democrat, and more than likely, i’ll vote Obama/Biden. sure, it bothers me that he’s a white sox fan, but how can you argue with this?

better start your training, McCain.

so i went to mcdonalds the other day. i know. i know. but in my defense, i have a nugget issue, and sometimes that yen needs to be cashed. thats neither here nor there, though. so i was driving through, and when asked what i wanted, i responded in kind with a quantity of delicious chickenish pieces. immediately after saying this, a different person than the one i had started with asked me a question. this second voice was just about the gayest voice i’ve heard in awhile, and it asked me “do you want sauce with that?” and then a quieter “mmm?”. i was caught a little bit offguard and paused before saying “um…no.” immediately after, the first voice gave me my total and i moved on. juvenile reaction to a reasonable question, i know.

and in yet more nugget news, my co-worker that has the growth on one of his testicles has recently found out that its not a tumor, just a build-up of liquid thats, apparently, not uncommon. the doctor pulled some frontier medicine by turning off the lights and shined a light right through his sac before moving to the ultrasound. not sure this is the standard method, but it makes me feel better about potentially having to ever see a doctor. the only thing that would have made the story better is finidng out it was a blacklight and there was hendrix playing…. and that maybe it wasnt really a doctor. my co-worker seems pretty elated too, and i can’t really blame him, he was fearing a cut job on his twins. enough to make any man squirm.